March 31, 2021
When his rap group, Oops! All James broke up, James went his own way and gave up on his career for several years. After taking a long hiatus, he eventually came back and recorded this track.
I haven't rapped in some time or touched a pen to the paper
I haven't laughed, I haven't rhymed, and joy's a foreign behavior
I'm strugglin' and I'm jugglin' with all the feelings in my heart
I'm bundlin' up the feelings and wishin' I had a fresh start
Because I'm done with all the fame and I don't wanna be a star
You see I watched the biography, and feelings hit me like a car
When I looked back at my life, feels like I've come so far
But accomplished so little for such a large repitoire
With no friends or no relations, because I tank every one
I don't where Charlie's at. No idea how she's done
But see I've read the reviews even the one by Nance S.
I wanted to be a star but instead I lost one I guess
'Cause I had a moment with Charlotte there but we threw it all away
Turned all our ups back into downs and all our colors turned to gray
We tried to go back on tour but the relationships caved
It just wasn't meant to be I guess. Anyway,
It's toxic when she's here but I do get lonely when she's gone
She reminds me of my mom, like the fighting, it makes me calm
I often wonder why I always used to take the abuse
I often think it gave me something to ... aspire to
Or maybe it let me stand still because I know I'll never make it
It's peaceful when I'm stagnant, standing still and just complacent
It's hard making something of myself and not just wealth
Lacking purpose, feeling aimless, feeling worthless, hollow, fameless
All the kids I used rap for don't know what my name is
And all the bitterness I have, it's on me and I'm not blameless
I just think it's easier to point fingers back at the past and just say
It's Charlie and Alison, it's my father, and it's my gang
It's the violence and the deaths I experienced along the way
I'm not a lost Lamb the fault was oops all James
I paved the way for myself, I know, and I accept all the blame
I decided to break the rules when I decided to play the game
And homie I'm tired. Sleeping for months in travel takes its toll
I'm like a young man's mind in an old man's soul
I don't know what I'm gonna do, feel I've got nowhere to go
I just wanted to share my thoughts to whoever needs to be told
Don't waste your life, homie. Figure this shit out while you're young
The infinite black is finite, you blink twice and it's gone
And you'll look back like I have, reflecting on all that's been done
Cause a busted cap can't be unbusted once it's left the fuckin gun
To whoever may be listenin'. Peace y'all.
Jiggity James Lamb, signing off.
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